Thursday, January 7, 2010

I'm Afraid To Sleep Because Of What Haunts Me || Five

"Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us, to let us know they are happy."

I left in such a hurry, I didn't think of taking anything with me. No money, no car keys, nothing. I just walked and ran, and sprinted as far as my legs would carry me, tears still streaming down my cheeks. I was out of breath as I sat down on the corner of an intersection in downtown Windsor, and buried my face in my hands. My head was pounding, and my stomach kept lurching as if I was going to be sick. I managed to lift myself to my feet and found my self turning the corner, and running over to a familiar looking park. I took a seat on a park bench, took a look around the gloomy surroundings, and cried. Cried harder than I ever had. Harder than when I found out the news, harder than when I wake up missing him, crying the hardest I have ever cried in my life. And it wouldn't stop. It wasn't stopping. The tears were flowing down my cheeks like a water flood. I pulled on my hair and screamed, screamed and sobbed and cried harder, and harder. I fell off the bench and down onto my knees feeling the sting as my knees scraped against the gravel. The pain from my bleeding knee was nothing like the pain I was feeling all over me right now. My heart was taking a beating, and the tears just kept coming. There was an empty feeling in my chest as I laid down on the grass, looked up at the grey Windsor sky and wished that his face would just appear there to dry my tears.

This was our park. Where our first date was, our first kiss, our first everything. Whenever he had a bad game, we'd come here and talk. If I had a bad day at work, or if there was something bothering me, we came here. This was our safe place, our place. I hadn't been here since he died, it was too painful. Everything here reminded me of him. The tree with our names cheesily carved into it, the pond where Taylor and I had pushed him in last summer because it was our way of congratulating him on getting drafted, the picnic tables secluded in a tree-covered part of the park where our first time was, the hill that I raced him down oh-so-many times to decide who had to go get dinner, the water fountain where he first told me he loved me. It was too painful being here, but I needed to stay here. Everywhere I looked, I saw Mickey. His smiling face laughing in the rain, it was right in front of me. I turned around, tears streaming down my cheeks faster than you could imagine, expecting to see another shadow of Mickey's memory. But instead I saw his bestfriend, getting out of his car and sprinting over to me, before wrapping me in yet another tight hug that made my heart skip a few beats. He sobbed as I felt the tears start rolling down his cheeks too. Maybe I did have to let myself love him.


  1. ok, seriously started to cry during that last paragraphhh
    this is one of the saddest stories i have readdd
    but i loved it:)

  2. Ohh thank you :)
    I think it'll eventually get happier, just got to let a few plot lines develop first !

  3. jkfngkfjglkfnkgjfdkgf

  4. I'm crying right now. I'm crying. Please let them be happy.

  5. Haha.
    Don't worry.
    I'll get over it.
    You should write a Jordan Eberle story.
    I'd bet tons of people would read that.
    Mr. Clutch.

  6. I think I'm going to start one now.
    I'm feeling inspired.