“Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love."
I woke up a few hours later and found myself curled up next to Taylor, who was still sleeping soundly. Hands still locked and his arm wrapped around me in a protective way. What am I doing? I thought as I let go of Taylor's hand and tried to squirm out of his grasp without waking him. I managed to get out of his hold silently and rushed to the bathroom. I washed my face with freezing water and tried to sort out my thoughts.
Your boyfriend just died. It wouldn't be doing any justice to him with you huddled up in bed next to his best friend. You need to stop. Now. Stop now, and think about Mickey. Just because he was dead, didn't mean you had stopped loving him, or he had stopped loving you.
I walked out of the bathroom and saw Taylor sitting on the edge of my bed, his hair all ruffled and his tight grey t-shirt hugging his arm muscles perfectly. He looked good. Too good. My heart started beating faster and faster as I approached him, and those stupid fucking butterflies I always got when I was with Mickey were apparent in my stomach. My head was spinning as I sat down next to him, and my knees were going weak. Don't feel this way. Stop, I reminded myself.
I woke up only to find no one next to me. Fuck. But when Jasey walked out of the bathroom, a sense of ease rushed over me. She was still here. I wasn't losing her like I lost Mickey. But I was afraid I might, which is why I have to make sure she recovers from this. I can't lose her. I'm going to spend every day with her, and every night with her until I'm 100% positive she's okay. I wasn't going to lose her to drugs or alcohol. I refuse to lose her at all. She's staying alive. She's staying with me.
"Did you sleep alright?" I asked as she came over and sat next to me on the bed.
"Fine," she said and nodded her head distractedly.
"Is something wrong?" I asked, looking at her quizzically.
"Not really. Taylor, I just think it's best if you keep your space from me at the moment," she said, looking at her feet.
"Not going to happen!" I exclaimed, "I'm not gonna let you hurt yourself."
"I really just need to keep my distance from you right now." she whispered.
"Why? Did I do something wrong?" I asked and took her hand in mine.
"No." She said quickly and snapped her hand away from mine.
"Jase, tell me what's up." I pleaded as she burst into tears. I wrapped my arms around her tightly and sighed. Through all the tears and pain and grief, I was sure I was falling for her. It's not right, no. But I can't deny that there was something there.
"I can't fall in love with you." I heard her cry into my shoulder, catching me by surprise.
"Jasey, what did you say?" I asked. I had to make sure I heard her correctly.
"I can't fall in love with you!" she said louder and cried harder and harder.
I lifted her head up so that she'd look at me, and wiped away the tear stains from her cheeks.
"Maybe," I sighed, "you have to let yourself." I lifted her chin and pressed my lips onto hers, in a sweet lingering kiss. She wrapped her arms around my neck and I hold her closer to me as I deepened the kiss. She suddenly unhooked her arms from around my neck, pressed her hand to her lips, and stood up.
"I'm sorry," she said quietly, as the tears began to roll down her cheeks, "I can't."
And with that she ran out of the bedroom and out of the apartment, leaving me sitting there, head in my hands, praying that she'd be okay.